I have a problem that just seems to keep coming back to me. It seems that my exes don't want to stay exes. This puzzled me so I asked one of my trusty guy friends why after we broke up the man would then initiate contact with me after the space of one to six months. His analysis of the situation was that it could be one of two things.
The first being the guy really liked me and got scared because of how "real" his feelings were. The second being that he was "stepping over the fence" and already had a girl but wanted to test the waters. The second option truly horrified me! Could I have unwittingly been the "other woman"??
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Deal
Years ago, back in the day there was this guy who I routinely flirted with and who routinely flirted with me. But the stars never quite aligned and we never did "hook up". This past summer, after years of silence he randomly called me up. Wood and I have always been able to talk and have always got along pretty good.
It turns out his wife had been cheating on him - with another woman - which has been a bit hard on his ego. He wanted us to make a go of it then. Not particularly interested in being the rebound girl, I politely turned him down. But Wood and I have recently made a deal. On January 1, 2011 if we are both single we will make an honest effort to date each other. This could be good or go south very quickly!
It turns out his wife had been cheating on him - with another woman - which has been a bit hard on his ego. He wanted us to make a go of it then. Not particularly interested in being the rebound girl, I politely turned him down. But Wood and I have recently made a deal. On January 1, 2011 if we are both single we will make an honest effort to date each other. This could be good or go south very quickly!
Hugs
Have hugs gone mainstream? Are they now the North American version of the European kiss? The past couple of weeks I've met three different guys for "dates" and two out of the three expected a hug at the good bye stage. Is this the new normal? I don't recall hugs being a normal greeting for two people who are not closely acquainted with each other. Obviously, I hug the people close to me when I see them and when I say good bye. But a stranger? No thanks!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Phone Etiquette
I've always run under the impression that there are unspoken rules regarding telephone calls with new or developing relationships. If you have called someone (especially if you've left a message), you are required to wait for them to return the phone call. Not to do so can leave you looking like a psycho-needy stalker.
Recently, another of my Internet acquisitions and I exchanged numbers. He immediately called me. Fortunately, er, unfortunately I was busy at the time and missed the phone call. You can imagine my surprise when my call log showed back to back missed calls and a message. I guess he was just making sure I really could not answer the phone! Being later in the evening I thought I'd return the call the following day.
Except, he didn't give me a chance. Immediately the next day, low and behold, there was another missed call and another message. By this point in time my little alarm bell is starting to clang. Digging in my heels, I refused to return the call. Remember, at this point I have yet to speak to the guy - ever! There is no previous relationship, no urgent news he must impart to me. Over the space of two days and an additional evening he considerately called me five times and left no fewer than four messages. Wow! By the time the third call came I was fed up. Did he not know the rule?? Did he not know he was looking a wee bit, well, desperate?? I hopped on the trusty computer and fired off an email. Don't worry, I was very kind. I nicely stated how many women would appreciate his commitment and effort, however I was not one of them. That perhaps, just perhaps he was not the guy for me. I also wished him luck in his further search. See - nice.
I do wonder if I should have done a service to women kind and pointed out the phone call rule. But I didn't. And I'm sure, somewhere, out there, there is a woman who would love to have some one speed dialing her repeatedly. I am not that girl. Can you imagine the incessantly occurring phone calls once he had a chance to get to know you?
*ring* Hey, it's me, whatcha doing?
Ten minutes later *ring* Hey, it's me, you still doing laundry?
*shudder* Clingy - bleh!
Recently, another of my Internet acquisitions and I exchanged numbers. He immediately called me. Fortunately, er, unfortunately I was busy at the time and missed the phone call. You can imagine my surprise when my call log showed back to back missed calls and a message. I guess he was just making sure I really could not answer the phone! Being later in the evening I thought I'd return the call the following day.
Except, he didn't give me a chance. Immediately the next day, low and behold, there was another missed call and another message. By this point in time my little alarm bell is starting to clang. Digging in my heels, I refused to return the call. Remember, at this point I have yet to speak to the guy - ever! There is no previous relationship, no urgent news he must impart to me. Over the space of two days and an additional evening he considerately called me five times and left no fewer than four messages. Wow! By the time the third call came I was fed up. Did he not know the rule?? Did he not know he was looking a wee bit, well, desperate?? I hopped on the trusty computer and fired off an email. Don't worry, I was very kind. I nicely stated how many women would appreciate his commitment and effort, however I was not one of them. That perhaps, just perhaps he was not the guy for me. I also wished him luck in his further search. See - nice.
I do wonder if I should have done a service to women kind and pointed out the phone call rule. But I didn't. And I'm sure, somewhere, out there, there is a woman who would love to have some one speed dialing her repeatedly. I am not that girl. Can you imagine the incessantly occurring phone calls once he had a chance to get to know you?
*ring* Hey, it's me, whatcha doing?
Ten minutes later *ring* Hey, it's me, you still doing laundry?
*shudder* Clingy - bleh!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
First Dates
Dating stinks! Courtesy eHarmony I had a "date" *read met for coffee* last Saturday. There is something quintessentially awkward about meeting someone you've never set eyes on (pictures sooooo don't count) and then making small talk, all while trying to appear that you're not meeting someone for the first time to the casual passerby. I am not a social butterfly at the best of times so this is particularly painful for me.
It is excruciating if there is no chemistry and a forced conversation. The man I met while not grotesque looking rated high on the needy scale. I have to wonder if all men who use an Internet service for dating are all this needy. I had arrived before him and was waiting for my coffee when he came in. He came directly to me, I smiled, said Heya, and directed him to the line up to order. Because he kept coming and standing by me I told him to sit down and I'd be there as soon as my drink was made. Seriously, could he not figure this out on his own? Once sitting we began the gamut of small talk - where do you work, do you enjoy it, so you like soccer, what else do enjoy doing and on and on and on... He began to ring my red flag bell when I'd ask a question, he'd answer, I'd respond that I'm not really into that sport, and he'd respond changing his answer to match mine. Yike!
After catching me checking out a sizzling hot guy (I tried not to but he was stunning!) my coffee companion asked me if I'd like to go to a movie. As in right now. Verbally stumbling, I tried to find a nice way to say when hell freezes over. Coming up with the standard - I have to go take care of my animals response - he persisted. Surely someone else can do my chores. Surely I have nothing better to do than spend more time with him. He seemed to be struggling with reading my disinterested body language. Checking my phone I happily discovered his allotted hour was up. Making a big deal I said I had to go as it was getting late.
As we're leaving I pause at the curb to the parking lot. Thanking him for meeting me I turn to go to my car. And he follows. Slowing, I once again thank him. He then asks when the second date will be. Feeling slightly less than nice at his point I respond with a I'll have to think about it. And he continues to walk towards me looking shocked. Starting to develop a twitch in my left eye, I once more thank him, as he continues to move towards me I angle my body in the classic shoulder block maneuver. His arms open - seriously can we say clueless - so I half heartedly go into the one armed hug/shoulder pat keeping my body angled. And he tries to pull me closer!!! Out of the corner of my eye I see his head looming closer... Oh my freaking God he's going to kiss me!!! Jerking and turning my head away I straight arm him away from my body, an involuntary NO! squeaking out.
I was a bit stunned. This guy was bold. Not only could he not read my polite disinterest he took it to mean I wanted to get to know him better. A lot better. Shell shocked, quivering with the heebie jeebie shiver I bolted for my car. Once safely home I sent the thanks but no thanks email.
Seriously, why do men think if you're willing to talk to them you automatically want to jump their bones?
It is excruciating if there is no chemistry and a forced conversation. The man I met while not grotesque looking rated high on the needy scale. I have to wonder if all men who use an Internet service for dating are all this needy. I had arrived before him and was waiting for my coffee when he came in. He came directly to me, I smiled, said Heya, and directed him to the line up to order. Because he kept coming and standing by me I told him to sit down and I'd be there as soon as my drink was made. Seriously, could he not figure this out on his own? Once sitting we began the gamut of small talk - where do you work, do you enjoy it, so you like soccer, what else do enjoy doing and on and on and on... He began to ring my red flag bell when I'd ask a question, he'd answer, I'd respond that I'm not really into that sport, and he'd respond changing his answer to match mine. Yike!
After catching me checking out a sizzling hot guy (I tried not to but he was stunning!) my coffee companion asked me if I'd like to go to a movie. As in right now. Verbally stumbling, I tried to find a nice way to say when hell freezes over. Coming up with the standard - I have to go take care of my animals response - he persisted. Surely someone else can do my chores. Surely I have nothing better to do than spend more time with him. He seemed to be struggling with reading my disinterested body language. Checking my phone I happily discovered his allotted hour was up. Making a big deal I said I had to go as it was getting late.
As we're leaving I pause at the curb to the parking lot. Thanking him for meeting me I turn to go to my car. And he follows. Slowing, I once again thank him. He then asks when the second date will be. Feeling slightly less than nice at his point I respond with a I'll have to think about it. And he continues to walk towards me looking shocked. Starting to develop a twitch in my left eye, I once more thank him, as he continues to move towards me I angle my body in the classic shoulder block maneuver. His arms open - seriously can we say clueless - so I half heartedly go into the one armed hug/shoulder pat keeping my body angled. And he tries to pull me closer!!! Out of the corner of my eye I see his head looming closer... Oh my freaking God he's going to kiss me!!! Jerking and turning my head away I straight arm him away from my body, an involuntary NO! squeaking out.
I was a bit stunned. This guy was bold. Not only could he not read my polite disinterest he took it to mean I wanted to get to know him better. A lot better. Shell shocked, quivering with the heebie jeebie shiver I bolted for my car. Once safely home I sent the thanks but no thanks email.
Seriously, why do men think if you're willing to talk to them you automatically want to jump their bones?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Backstory
What can I say, he hurt my feelings. Last year at about this time I began dating a man. And we clicked. I'm not a big talker but I could and did talk to him. We talked about everything under the sun both real and imagined. Don't get me wrong - he wasn't perfect. But neither am I. We had dated for a while when his job took him out of town. (He was military - rrowr!)
When he came back from his two week training I was ready to see him. (We had been having fun exchanging naughty text messages while he was away.) And the silence was deafening. You could literally hear the crickets chirping. Nothing - no phone calls, texts, nothing! Because I wasn't precisely sure when he would be home I was a bit hesitant to call him. Days passed. And then, a phone call!!! And then, trouble. This made me mad. I for the life of me could not figure out why he was mad I hadn't called him. After a few days of fighting I walked away.
Time passed and I moved on with my life. A couple of months went by and I received an email from him - still plenty mad - I ignored it. A month or so later another email. I ignored this as well. Another month goes by and another email lands in the in box. This one I didn't ignore. I told him to call me.
And he did. And we once more started moving into a relationship. Except something always would come up when he was supposed to meet with me. We did a lot of phone talking but no face time. Have I mentioned yet that he was getting posted overseas? Oh yeah, he was leaving in two weeks! By the time he left I figured things had just died a natural death - after all he must not be that into me if he can't make the effort to see me. And then the phone calls and emails from Afghanistan came. Surprised and excited I bought into him and the dream he was selling.
Having drawn early leave I knew he'd be home in December and I was pumped. Can anyone see where this is going yet? I had a rough idea of when he would be home. With ants in my pants I watched my phone carefully. And nothing. Still nothing. Days passed. Starting to feel a little apprehensive I waited. Until finally - a phone call!! He wanted to meet up on the weekend.
With the arrival of the weekend and no firm plan I became a wee bit skeptical. Ahhh, the classic excuse - he had his son. Okay fine, can't argue with that, when then? With each proposed time (by him) and excuse when the time came (by him) I was left feeling a bit confused.
What precisely did he want with me? And why did he bother contacting me in the first place? I truly don't get it. Long story short - he went back to Afghanistan and never saw me once. In fact, I talked to him more when he was on the other side of the world than when he was in the same town. This all leaves me feeling baffled. Why bother?
When the final "date" came and passed with no contact from him I sent him a nice little email. It wasn't nasty it just outlined my confusion over the situation. Did he respond? Of course not. And that, my friends, is the last I've heard from him. Leaving me with some hurt feelings and an intense desire for answers.
Determined not to be the crazy chick I refuse to seek him out for answers - answers we all know he won't tell me. So here I am - confused and single.
With no man in sight this girl decides to take action. Leaving me with the question: where can you meet men? Hmmm... not at work.... not with my hobbies... and with that a flash of brilliance *or perhaps a commercial* eharmony!
More on the internet dating adventures to come!
When he came back from his two week training I was ready to see him. (We had been having fun exchanging naughty text messages while he was away.) And the silence was deafening. You could literally hear the crickets chirping. Nothing - no phone calls, texts, nothing! Because I wasn't precisely sure when he would be home I was a bit hesitant to call him. Days passed. And then, a phone call!!! And then, trouble. This made me mad. I for the life of me could not figure out why he was mad I hadn't called him. After a few days of fighting I walked away.
Time passed and I moved on with my life. A couple of months went by and I received an email from him - still plenty mad - I ignored it. A month or so later another email. I ignored this as well. Another month goes by and another email lands in the in box. This one I didn't ignore. I told him to call me.
And he did. And we once more started moving into a relationship. Except something always would come up when he was supposed to meet with me. We did a lot of phone talking but no face time. Have I mentioned yet that he was getting posted overseas? Oh yeah, he was leaving in two weeks! By the time he left I figured things had just died a natural death - after all he must not be that into me if he can't make the effort to see me. And then the phone calls and emails from Afghanistan came. Surprised and excited I bought into him and the dream he was selling.
Having drawn early leave I knew he'd be home in December and I was pumped. Can anyone see where this is going yet? I had a rough idea of when he would be home. With ants in my pants I watched my phone carefully. And nothing. Still nothing. Days passed. Starting to feel a little apprehensive I waited. Until finally - a phone call!! He wanted to meet up on the weekend.
With the arrival of the weekend and no firm plan I became a wee bit skeptical. Ahhh, the classic excuse - he had his son. Okay fine, can't argue with that, when then? With each proposed time (by him) and excuse when the time came (by him) I was left feeling a bit confused.
What precisely did he want with me? And why did he bother contacting me in the first place? I truly don't get it. Long story short - he went back to Afghanistan and never saw me once. In fact, I talked to him more when he was on the other side of the world than when he was in the same town. This all leaves me feeling baffled. Why bother?
When the final "date" came and passed with no contact from him I sent him a nice little email. It wasn't nasty it just outlined my confusion over the situation. Did he respond? Of course not. And that, my friends, is the last I've heard from him. Leaving me with some hurt feelings and an intense desire for answers.
Determined not to be the crazy chick I refuse to seek him out for answers - answers we all know he won't tell me. So here I am - confused and single.
With no man in sight this girl decides to take action. Leaving me with the question: where can you meet men? Hmmm... not at work.... not with my hobbies... and with that a flash of brilliance *or perhaps a commercial* eharmony!
More on the internet dating adventures to come!
Why Now?
There are times I'm sure I'm crazy - this being one of them. Why on earth would I want to blog about me?? Why on earth would anyone want to read about it?? So here's the dirt. It appears I've entered a bit of a crossroad in my life. The man who had some serious potential has recently left leaving me a bewildered mass of sadness. My career, once so fulfilling is now a means to an ends. I'm waiting to hear if I've been accepted into graduate school. And two out of three sister-in-laws are pregnant. All in all, I think I have some fodder for some good entertaining writing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)