Wednesday, January 6, 2010

First Dates

Dating stinks!  Courtesy eHarmony I had a "date" *read met for coffee* last Saturday.  There is something quintessentially awkward about meeting someone you've never set eyes on (pictures sooooo don't count) and then making small talk, all while trying to appear that you're not meeting someone for the first time to the casual passerby.  I am not a social butterfly at the best of times so this is particularly painful for me.

It is excruciating if there is no chemistry and a forced conversation.  The man I met while not grotesque looking rated high on the needy scale.  I have to wonder if all men who use an Internet service for dating are all this needy.  I had arrived before him and was waiting for my coffee when he came in.  He came directly to me, I smiled, said Heya, and directed him to the line up to order.  Because he kept coming and standing by me I told him to sit down and I'd be there as soon as my drink was made.  Seriously, could he not figure this out on his own?  Once sitting we began the gamut of small talk - where do you work, do you enjoy it, so you like soccer, what else do enjoy doing and on and on and on...  He began to ring my red flag bell when I'd ask a question, he'd answer, I'd respond that I'm not really into that sport, and he'd respond changing his answer to match mine.  Yike!

After catching me checking out a sizzling hot guy (I tried not to but he was stunning!)  my coffee companion asked me if I'd like to go to a movie.  As in right now.  Verbally stumbling, I tried to find a nice way to say when hell freezes over.  Coming up with the standard - I have to go take care of my animals response - he persisted.  Surely someone else can do my chores.  Surely I have nothing better to do than spend more time with him.  He seemed to be struggling with reading my disinterested body language.  Checking my phone I happily discovered his allotted hour was up.  Making a big deal I said I had to go as it was getting late.

As we're leaving I pause at the curb to the parking lot.  Thanking him for meeting me I turn to go to my car.  And he follows.  Slowing, I once again thank him.  He then asks when the second date will be.  Feeling slightly less than nice at his point I respond with a I'll have to think about it.  And he continues to walk towards me looking shocked.  Starting to develop a twitch in my left eye, I once more thank him, as he continues to move towards me I angle my body in the classic shoulder block maneuver.  His arms open - seriously can we say clueless - so I half heartedly go into the one armed hug/shoulder pat keeping my body angled.  And he tries to pull me closer!!!  Out of the corner of my eye I see his head looming closer... Oh my freaking God he's going to kiss me!!!  Jerking and turning my head away I straight arm him away from my body, an involuntary NO! squeaking out.

I was a bit stunned.  This guy was bold.  Not only could he not read my polite disinterest he took it to mean I wanted to get to know him better.  A lot better.  Shell shocked, quivering with the heebie jeebie shiver I bolted for my car.  Once safely home I sent the thanks but no thanks email.

Seriously, why do men think if you're willing to talk to them you automatically want to jump their bones?

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